On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer…. for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?’ Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,’ he informed the couple, ‘You can get married in Heaven.’ ‘Great!’ said the couple. ‘But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’ St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple. ‘OH, COME ON!!!’ St. Peter shouted. ‘It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?”
me: between 2009 and 2012 kesha satirised and parodied the archetype of the female pop star and the drunken party girl image. she has a 140 near genius IQ and studied psychology and comparative religion between recording her first album, the irreverent and heartwarming satirical masterpiece “Animal”. time after time she deconstructed the pop star image with a trash glam aesthetic that was authentic to her music taste and she frequently honoured her mother’s country rock/hippie mentality that informed her unique working class upbringing. “Rainbow” is a Butterly moment and the magnum opus of her career that honours her country rock beginnings and amplified the vulnerability of her songwriting. ‘Warrior’ is one of the most underrated pop albums of all time. she wrote every lyric to nearly all her songs and when you actually listen to the anecdotes in the verses of “TiK ToK” it’s clear she’s writing about real life experiences of parties in Nashville/California instead of just generic party song lyrics about being in the club. she really did brush her teeth with jack one morning in vegas, in this essay i will
ppl w nut allergies be like ‘oh u cant eat almonds in front of me or ill die’ bitch fuck you i want my fucking almonds activated motherfucker nutless cunt
natural selection will one day destroy the nutless and i shall eat bags of almonds everywhere with glee
the… the nutless…
Did I Stutter On The Nutter?
jordan can you please think before you speak
can i do what
jordan im beggin you think of the nutless
i only have a limited amount of brainpower im not wasting it on the nutless
Polyjuice Potion: Temporarily transforms the drinker into another person. The drinker will take on the appearance of the person whose hair, fingernails, etc., are added to the potion. Not to be used for transforming into an animal.
Pompion Potion: Temporarily turns the drinker’s head into a pumpkin
Quodpot solution: Prevents the Quod from exploding.
Rano Potion
Rat Spleen Mixture
Rat tonic: Healing potion for rats.
Regeneration Potion: Helps restore non-corporeal wizards to their bodies.
Regerminating Potion: Forces the germination of a plant
Replenishing Potion: A potion used to replenish
Restoration Potion: Reverts spell effects.
Revive Potion: Awakens an unconscious person
Rudimentary Body Potion: Helps restore non-corporeal wizards to a rudimentary bodies/sustains rudimentary bodies
Scintillation Solution: Unknown effect
Screaming Snakes Hair Potion: A kind of hair potion, the exact effects of which are unknown
Shrinking Solution: Causes the drinker to shrink
Skele-Gro: Regrows missing bones
Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion: Makes hair more manageable
Sleeping Draught: Made the drinker quickly fall into a deep but temporary sleep
Snuffling Potion: Causes the drinker to sniff (possibly)
Star Grass Salve: Healing potion for soothing injuries
Strength Potion: Gives drinker increased strength; It may be related to the Strengthening Solution.
Strengthening Solution: Presumably increases the strength of the one who drinks it; It may be related to the Strength Potion.
Swelling Solution: Causes enlargement on contact
Ten-Second Pimple Vanisher: Treats acne
Thick golden potion: Healing, curse quarantining.
Truth Serum: Makes the drinker tell the truth
Twilight Moonbeams: Causes the drinker to become infatuated with the giver of the potion
Venomous Tentacula Juice: Acts like a (non-fatal) poison
Veritaserum: Forces the taker to tell the truth.
Vitamix Potion: Gives energy to the drinker
Volubilis Potion: Alters the drinker’s voice
Weakness Potion: Weakens the drinker
Weedosoros: Poison
Wideye Potion: Prevents the drinker from falling asleep. Also awakens from drugging or concussion.
Wiggenweld Potion: Cures minor damage; Awakens a person from magically-induced sleep (and hence can cure Draught of Living Death).
Wit-Sharpening Potion: Presumably enhances the clarity of thought of the drinker
Wolfsbane Potion: Eases the symptoms of lycanthropy; prevents werewolves from losing their minds post-transformation.
A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students:
“Today we’ll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage.”
With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.
“Hello, may I please speak to Dave?” says the professor when the other person answers.
“No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number” says the person on the other end.
“You see that students, that’s surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like.”
He picks up the phone again, and dials the same number. When it answers, the professor asks.
“Hi, can Dave come to the phone?”
“I told you you have the wrong number”
“That’s irritation, my friends” says the professor. “Now, let’s look at what rage looks like”
He picks up the phone and dials the number again. When it answers he asks.
“Is Dave available?”
“LISTEN, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT. IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN, I’LL COME OVER, BREAK THAT PHONE IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. AND IF IT DOESN’T FIT, I’LL PUSH IT IN WITH MY COCK!!!!!!”
“And that’s rage.”
“Professor, you forgot the fourth stage,” says a young man in the front rows.
“And what might that be?” asks the professor.
“It’s called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate” He comes up to the podium, takes the professor’s phone and dials the same number.
“Hello, this is Dave, has somebody called me today?”
Bootsrcool 