John Watson has a bad habit of self projecting on people, something I’ve mentioned in the past and on at least one post that I can think of. This isn’t relevant right now, but will be in a moment. So, here goes.
I’m rewatching ASIP currently, and one thing in particular really caught my attention about the deductions Sherlock makes regarding John. More specifically, this bit:
“You’ve got a brother worried about you, but you won’t go to him for help because you don’t approve of him— possibly because he’s an alcoholic, but more than likely because he recently walked out on his wife.”
Why is this particular deduction so interesting, aside from the fact that Sherlock was wrong about Harry being a man? Well.
There’s a popular headcanon I’ve seen floating around that John and Harry were raised in a homophobic household, which explains the limited (if not nonexistent) contact they both have with their own family, aside from what little contact they have with each other… people also often speculate that Harry’s marriage ended due to her alcoholism (it’s even on the wiki page) but honestly, I disagree. It’s explicitly stated that Clara didn’t leave her. Harry is the one that left, despite the fact that she was the one drinking. I think Clara wanted to stick it out, but Harry refused the help and instead rejected her. And I think I know the reason.
Assuming John’s family is actually homophobic I imagine Harry would really struggle with wanting to be accepted by them while also marrying the woman she loved, thus possibly resulting in her alcoholism. Rejection, especially by your own family, is some painful shit to go through. She was likely struggling with that and, eventually, out of fear of losing her family and possibly out of some form of internalized homophobia/self-hatred for having disappointed them, she decided to divorce Clara, and gave her phone to the only person she could think of who wouldn’t chastise her or even possibly destroy the phone— her brother, our very own John Watson— to “rid” of it. Why would she want to keep something that would only remind her of her love lost, of how her family mistreated her for trying to pursue her own happiness? Why would she want to be reminded of how she ultimately gave it up because she buckled under the pressure of her homophobic relatives?
What interests me the most about this is that John canonically disapproves of Harry having left Clara, but he was still willing to take the phone from her. And that fact alone has me thinking. What made him care so much? If they’ve “never got on much to begin with” then why on earth would he care about her marital status let alone express his disapproval reguarding her ending it? Well— and this is where it gets interesting— I think now is where his projecting comes into play.
I very sincerely think that during his deployment, John fell in love with Major Sholto. And out of fear for what his family would think, he didn’t pursue that love affair. It ended as quickly as it began, if it even started at all, before Sholto was more or less exiled for the collateral damage he caused. This was around the same time John was injured and inviladed from the military. Dr. Watson had a chance at love, and he failed to take it or was rejected when he tried. And here his sister is, having actually done something about her feelings. She got to marry the woman she loves, just to give it all away? Just to leave her so easily, to give in to her families outdated opinions? Of course he’s angry. She took a chance he didn’t have the courage to take himself, and has now aborted it before seeing it through to the end. He doesn’t want to ask Harry for help in finding a place to stay, not just because they don’t get on. But because he is angry. More so at himself than at her, but it is so much easier to project how you feel onto other people than it is to admit that you are broken. And we have watched John project like that before. It does happen way later on in the series, but it happens nonetheless. Here’s the only example you need:
“You bloody moron! She’s out there, she likes you, and she’s alive! And do you have the first idea how lucky you are?” “Do something while there’s still a chance, because that chance doesn’t last forever. It’s gone before you know it. Before you know it.”
Now apply those words not to the person John originally directed them to, but to Harry, in this scenario. And then think about how they could, just as easily, apply to John himself. Not even necessarily in regards to Mary…. but to Sholto. Even to Sherlock.
In conclusion, I think despite not being able to admit his own feelings, he is angry at Harry for denying hers. He’s angry that she has to do that to herself and to the person she loves and he’s angry at Sherlock for (apparently) not being receptive to love at all. More than that, he’s angry at himself for doing the exact same, not just once, but twice. And he would rather project and be on bad terms with her than admit he is in the same damn boat and angry with himself. He would rather that then admit he’s fallen in love with not just one man, but with two.
Oh, the poor man…
I know this won’t get many notes just because of the length but I wish people would take the time to read. Maybe I’ll shorten it later on.
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